Beating the Spotlight effect + weekly recommendations

Have you ever walked into a room and felt like everyone was looking at you? That numerous eyes are noticing and judging your every move? That something you said, something you're wearing or just some aspect of your actions in the past or present have made every single person focus only on you (most times in the most negative sense possible)?

Sound familiar?

Welcome to feeling the spotlight effect

The spotlight effect is a term used by social psychologists to refer to the tendency to overestimate how much other people notice us. In other words, we tend to think there is a spotlight on us at all times, highlighting all of our mistakes or flaws for all the world to see.

In most cases, this feeling is led by our personal biases about ourselves and how people look at us and further accelerated by our own experiences in the past. It ends up being incredibly daunting for those of us who suffer from a lack of confidence in ourselves. In many ways, we see in others what we feel about ourselves and our ability to do things and our need to question the decisions we've taken in life. 

I spent a large part of my adolescence feeling judged for how I dressed, talked and looked. I continually looked at everyone around me with the constant feeling of being under a microscope focussed on everything about me. It's a feeling of being the guy who happened to fall out of his window naked and tries to figure a way back into his apartment while being surrounded by a sea of people on the street.

But, how do you pull yourself out of this? How do you take away this feeling of constantly being put in the spot.? 

Here are 4 ways that have worked for me in the past:

1. Learn to block out everyone around you. Imagine you're the only one in the room. Just close your eyes for a few seconds and take a few deep breaths and bring yourself to focus solely on yourself. ( sometimes headphones help)

2. Observe how people react to you, and you'll realise most times, they're not even bothered to focus on you, and even if they are, they're not half as focussed on you as you think they are. Realise, digest and remember that fact.

3. Put yourself in their shoes and imagine what they must be feeling about how you look and think about them. This sense of realising that you're most probably on the same boat is a significant balancing factor.

4. And always think about "what's the worst that can happen?" (this one is my personal favourite), and once you do think of it, it somehow doesn't seem as daunting as the unknown consequence you feared so far.

So, next time you feel like you're in the spotlight. Take a breath, look around and think about the worst that could happen. It might be the best way to ensure it never does.

Weekly recommendations 

• I recently judged the podcast category of the “Next big creator” awards for pepper content and one show stuck with me more than any other because the content was just so pure and beautiful.. This episode on demanding perfection from children was just ❤️

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• It’s been a while since i shared anything by Scott Galloway ( sacrilege!) so heres his newsletter piece on “the algebra of wealth” 👇🏽

https://www.profgalloway.com/the-algebra-of-wealth

• For anyone who’s wants to go deep science and dig into science based tools for daily life check out Huberman Lab ( check the channel trailer below)

Quote of the week

”Not taking things personally is a superpower”

- James clear

✌🏽